after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
