theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
