Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
