i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
