kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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