so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
only you would photoshop your dick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
