He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
