We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
