My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
