Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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