i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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