At least make sure they are 18
Why
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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