She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
