I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
