I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
