I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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