did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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