I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
