I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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