I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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