This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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