No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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