Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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