I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
