Im at strip club and am horny
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Randomize
