Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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