when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
