so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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