i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My vagina is officially offended.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
