once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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