Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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