I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
