The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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