Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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