it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
