my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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