I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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