if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
