a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
