Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
