My first STD was from a foam party
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
