2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
