Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
