wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
