my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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