Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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