Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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