they need to just BURY HIM!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
