I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
