Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
