Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
