We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
