IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
