I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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