I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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