This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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