I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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