franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
