dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
