Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
