God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
