Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
