Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
