you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
