I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
