I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
