How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
