Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
