i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
