does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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