Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
