tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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