soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
