sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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