Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize