I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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