We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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