My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
