How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
