You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
