In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
