3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want nice things and good sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
