I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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