It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
