happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
