She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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