Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
