It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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