I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm always down for nudity.
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