Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
