i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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