They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
