I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize