I want to make a zoo with you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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