I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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