The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
