sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
