Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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